he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
