But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
