It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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