I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
