We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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