i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize