This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
