so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
