i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
