Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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