I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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