just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My vagina just clenched in fear
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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