the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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