i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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