So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
