just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
