So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
