there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
