I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
