not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
