Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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