I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
