After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
