Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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