Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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