i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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