nut hugger
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He kissed a someone with a penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
