Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize