i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
