he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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