I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
