i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
