You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
