I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
