Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
