so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
