That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
