so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
do nipples grow back?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
