I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
