Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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