she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
