just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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