So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
