Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
