The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
