is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
