My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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