omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
