apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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