PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
