i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
