You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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