No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
