Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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