It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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