Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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