Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
