I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am available for nakedness
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
