I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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