now i know why i became what i already was.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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