Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My dick has a subreddit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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