Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
