I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
