All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
