This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
