Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
wow bdsm is so cute
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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