I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize