those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
