Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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