I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
