My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
